took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
