i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
