Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
