Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
