smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
