Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
