Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
