Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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