I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
