I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
