he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
