I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
