You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I know her cup size but not her name....
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