Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
