I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
