All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
