I just threw up on my dentist
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
