Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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