He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
