I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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