i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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