she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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