trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I looked at my own cervix.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
