so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
