I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I believe in your delicious
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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