Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
