make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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