Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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