she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
