my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
