I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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