Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
