just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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