if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
