before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
