i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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