I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
