So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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