Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
