i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
