Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
