Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
