I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
