Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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