her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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