Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
