Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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