dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
