He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
