Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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