I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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