your room smells of hookers.
And success
wanna go halves on a baby?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
