In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
