I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
