If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
